Strength from Within: Self-Leadership in a Politically Charged Era

We all know the potential of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy for bringing hope and healing to our clients. As many of my colleagues have shared, and as my own personal experience confirms, the concept of Self-Leadership offers a transformative perspective on life, relationships, spirituality, and more.

Internal Family Systems is a therapeutic model that views the mind as composed of various subpersonalities or "parts," each with its own perspective and qualities. Central to this is the concept of the "Self," which represents an individual's core, authentic being characterized by qualities like compassion, peacefulness, strength, and calmness. In today's politically and religiously charged climate, maintaining Self-Leadership can be particularly valuable, and perhaps ultimately imperative, in navigating difficult times. People’s reactionary parts run the gamut of experiences: some disconnect and ‘stick their heads in the sand,’ others become outraged and outspoken, and still others prepare for untoward eventualities like famine and even war. All these stances can be understood as parts of one’s Self attempting to control their environment and outcomes, all inherently coming from a place of controlling fear. I have all of these parts internally and can give many examples of how these parts have taken control throughout my life across various religious and political sides.

Let me be clear—my point here is to shine a light on these parts, not shame them. Just as in my own life, I can readily recognize when these parts have taken over my life for periods of time. I have certain critical and shaming parts ready to pounce on me and evoke guilt and embarrassment for things I have said or done, as well as parts that guilt and shame me for things I wish I had said or done but instead chose ‘weakness’ or complacency. How am I to interact with a world and community that disagree with me or want to fight with me due to differing beliefs and understanding about very serious issues? How do we navigate our extremely divided and polarized society while remaining authentically ‘us’ and also living in harmony with difficult others?

As with any internal dynamic, our first attempt at forging a path forward is to do a You-Turn and identify your political and religious parts. Acknowledge the parts of yourself that react strongly to political or religious issues, including parts that feel anger, fear, or righteousness. Feeling into my own system right now, I notice a polarity between a part that wants to ignore the U.S. presidential election (it’s currently saying, “there’s nothing you can do, and your vote is minuscule—you can’t change anything about this”) and a couple of other activated parts (one is shaming, “you are just like everyone else, not caring. You are part of the problem!” and another is fearfully anxious, saying, “it’s really bad and so complex, I don’t know what to do!”). Acknowledging and validating all of these parts is a great first step in retaining Self-Leadership and determining what moves to make forward. Knowing these parts deeply and exhibiting a full understanding of what they each want and desire for me allows me to stay in a centered position with them and speak for them when the time is right.

When conversation does occur, it’s important to stay centered in Self, engaging Self-Leadership throughout. This is crucial in conversations where we are confronted with opposition but remains just as important when we are with people in agreement. When we are parts-led, we tend to be antagonistic, accusing, and minimizing or dismissive of others and their points. When our audience is sympathetic, we may have parts that feel free to blend with us, leading to expressing our thoughts and opinions with heightened passion and raw openness or people-pleasing, attempting to meet some hidden need for connection. This isn’t bad—it’s actually good that we allow our parts to express themselves fully. However, the caution here is, who does this part need to validate their plea? If a part needs someone else to hear us, we may need to see if there is a relational block between this part and Self. The harmonious state of our Self being our primary caretaker and nurturer for our parts is always best. Then Self can determine what to say, when to say it, and how much to say. Speaking for our parts allows Self to lead, parts to be heard, and connections to be made to others, even in opposition. This includes deeply connecting and listening to our activist parts: helping our activist parts trust our leadership, knowing what activist activities will culminate in the most movement toward our political goals, and knowing what people to talk to. Self will be able to discern who is willing to listen and who may have parts that are blocking or preventing logical or spiritual discussions. Engaging these people, and really having a roadmap for engaging with anyone, Self-Leadership allows us to stay in difficult situations with a sense of wonder rather than judgment. This doesn’t mean agreeing with all perspectives but rather understanding the emotions and experiences behind them.

Our activist parts will be sensitive to situations or topics, and these can trigger strong reactions. Awareness of these triggers can help you prepare and respond more thoughtfully. These stronger reactions indicate the need for a You-Turn to see what this particular reaction is about. Of course, when we come across a story of harm to other people, our Self can be moved to action—this is the nature of Self-energy and the very energy of compassion (as well as confidence, courage, assertiveness, strength). However, from my own experience and the shared experience of others, I know that reactionary parts often undergird the activist parts of me due to my own trauma history. For example, my reaction of disgust and parts that say ‘Damn the Man’ in a rebellious tone when it comes to certain government leaders can bring me social acceptance and applause. When I sit with this part, however, I begin to understand there is history here from my own family and dysfunctional authoritarianism. While this doesn’t negate or justify the current situation, it allows me to help the part realize its perspective is tainted by my personal history. Then I can help it be heard by tempering it with the other perspectives I have rather than acting solely from that part. The bottom line—give your activist parts life and voice, through the Self.

When we get a handle on our own system, we can gain an understanding that all people’s systems work in much the same way. Just like our parts have had and continue to have the experience of reactivity, other people work within the same dynamic. As we become more self-aware and Self-led, that doesn’t mean others are doing the same. As is inherent in all our personal work, we only have ultimate influence and leadership over our own systems. The understanding we bring to others’ lack of Self-Leadership becomes quickly apparent in our interactions. Just as we monitor our state of leadership (parts-led or Self-led), we can monitor that of others with whom we are interacting. This can lead to parts being frustrated about others' lack of Self-Leadership, but realize that this is a part that is frustrated. Your Self can and should feel compassionate for others who cannot be in the same state. The Self-Led individual engages in dialogues that seek connection and understanding rather than division. Approach conversations with an open heart and mind, continually monitoring your parts as they rise to the surface throughout the dialogue. Furthermore, this allows you to model the Model—speaking for parts: “There’s a part of me that gets really angry when people talk about abortion like that; there’s something very tender in me that aches about this topic. Can I ask what’s at the heart of this topic for you?”

A central aspect of proactive Self-Leadership is the alignment of your actions with your core values. Start by taking the time to clarify what truly matters to you—values such as integrity, compassion, justice, creativity, or personal growth. Reflect on these values regularly, ensuring they remain at the forefront of your decision-making processes. This clarity acts as a compass, guiding you through complex situations and helping you make choices that are consistent with your deepest principles. When faced with challenging political or religious climates, let these values inform your responses rather than reacting impulsively. For instance, if compassion is a core value, strive to approach contentious conversations with empathy, seeking to understand rather than to convince. If integrity is important, ensure that your actions, both public and private, reflect honesty and transparency. Aligning your daily actions with your values not only reinforces your sense of integrity and purpose but also provides a stable foundation from which to navigate external pressures and internal conflicts. This consistency helps build trust with others and fosters a sense of inner peace, knowing that you are living authentically. Moreover, by committing to value-driven actions, you inspire those around you, demonstrating leadership that is rooted in principles and authenticity.

I believe the best approach to all issues is a level of proactiveness in knowing and working with your parts on an ongoing basis. This is the epitome of parts-work and Self-care. Using an insight practice and ongoing dialogue strengthens relationships with our parts in order to continually grow and learn your system of Self and parts. Monitoring and maintaining a healthy diet of news and social media can also help you determine what to be activated about and what you can or cannot control or have influence over. Develop healthy relationships with technology and the people around you in the same ways. Find a balance between what we may fear about our future and what we need in the present: connection with others, healthy living (mentally, psychologically, and spiritually).

By applying these principles of IFS, you can navigate today’s political and religious landscape with greater self-awareness, compassion, and balance, maintaining Self-Leadership and contributing to more constructive and empathetic interactions.

Feel free to reach out for potential community discussions of living in difficult times.